Since I’m here I thought I’d also do a brief update of what’s been happening in my life.
I’d finished school, and wasn’t too keen on staying home all the time due to family issues, so I was offered the chance to volunteer at my school to help some of the other children that have special needs. At first, I wasn’t sure whether to accept this offer or not, but I’m so glad I did. As someone who has always found it easy to accept those different to myself, I knew it wouldn’t be difficult for me to be able to help them and show empathy, but I didn’t realise how beneficial it could also be to me.
I suffer with a variety of anxiety disorders such as OCD, and a common piece of advice given by therapists is ‘distract yourself’. At first, I personally felt that it would never work, and never gave it the chance, but since being rushed off my feet with all of these children I haven’t had much time to think about the things going on at home, or the thoughts in the darker corners of my mind.
I just don’t know what I’ll do when everyone goes on their summer holidays. What will I have to distract myself? What if something bad happens at home? What if I get too bad and can’t take it any more?
Apologies that I haven’t been blogging recently. I’ve been neck-deep in revision and exams and really haven’t had the time to take a moment to blog about my day, as much as I’ve wanted to. In about a weeks time, however, I shall be school free for a few months, so shall definitely have time to do a lot of blogging, I hope!
So, on the 10th of June, I shall have finally finished secondary school. How am I feeling about that? Excited? Scared? Nervous? Sad? All of the above? Definitely. Although I’ve hated most of my secondary school days, and as excited as I am to move on with my life and experience new things, it’s extremely scary to realise just how fast time is going.
I know, that sounds ridiculous; I’m a 16 year old girl who has a lot more years ahead of her, if fate shall have it. But getting to know new people, leaving a handful of people who I genuinely like and shall miss behind, finding my feet in a new place, and continuing my ongoing battle to become a happy, healthy person both physically and mentally is going to be a struggle. And that’s what makes me scared.
The fact that I never even considered getting this far also causes a lot of panic for me. Nor my mother, my school, or even myself thought that I would get to this stage; that I would live the day that I complete my exams, that I would turn sixteen. It’s so so scary and really makes me wonder how on Earth I’ve gotten this far, and why? I know, I know, it’s my obsessive thinking again, but can I really continue living this life when I feel like this? When I’ve finally found an area in school with staff to support and help me?
Life is scary.