I shouldn’t be allowed thoughts at night

So I’ve been sat here texting a friend about a party she went to last night and all of a sudden I got really sad.
It made me question myself. When was the last time I went to a party? When was the last time I got a bit drunk and had a genuinely amazing night? When was the last time I had someone to be with?

The answer is at least 7 months.

I know what you’re thinking; “You’re sixteen, why are you even thinking stuff like this, why do you want stuff like this? You should be focusing on other things and having fun!”
And when I ask people what the point of life is, nine times out of ten they will tell me it is to enjoy myself and be happy, but what if I’m not enjoying myself, what if I’m not happy?

What if that stuff made me enjoy myself? Because the last party I went to made me feel so free, so on top of the world. The last guy I was in a relationship with had a laugh that made the entire room laugh too, a smile so wide it took over his face, and he looked at me with that twinkle in his eye.
Now that’s gone.

I know I don’t need a guy to be happy, I should be the only person I truly need, but I can’t help thinking like this right now.

So if the point of life is to be happy, to enjoy myself, why am I living now? Because I’m not enjoying feeling this low, and I’m not happy.


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