The future really scares me. It always has, right from when I was very little. I used to cry myself to sleep at six years old worrying about getting old, about not being as capable as I was before. It’s kind of funny, and kind of worrying, that at six years old, I was worrying about such things.
But my fears seem to stem from when I was younger and continue. I was waiting for my bus a few days ago and I started panicking at the fact that I’m soon going to be leaving secondary school, that soon I’ll have to be more independent and pay bills and live on my own and do grown up stuff
Sometimes people try to comfort me by saying “one day, you’ll get married and have children”. That comment can really scare me. Me, children? I used to always want children, but that responsibility, that life in your hands, is a pretty scary thing that no one really appreciates fully. That little person could become even more messed up than me, thanks to me.
My Dad has always said “the moment I can’t take myself to the toilet. I’m putting a bullet straight through my head”. When I was younger, that thought used to be terribly upsetting. Now, I seem to be holding the same opinion.
I think I’m scared of life as a whole. I guess some people just aren’t cut out for life.
Again, apologies, this is a really weird post.