Corrupt, corrupt, corrupt

I’ve just been skyping my Grandma, who is noticeably very stressed at the moment. Why?

She lives in Greece. Greece, where they’ve put up the VAT from 13% to a staggering 23%. Even on food; a basic necessity. They can only take 60 euros out of the bank a day. The only thing holding the Greek islands together is tourism, but now that the prices of BASIC NECESSITIES are going up, they’re having to increase tourist prices, they’re having to increase everything. That not only hurts them, but the tourists. So next time you don’t care about Greek issues, take into consideration that the lovely holiday you planned to a beautiful Greek island could be demolished. This shall drive them into an even deeper economic depression.

How on earth are the Greek citizens supposed to cope? How are they supposed to survive, to not be forced into poverty? How are they supposed to have any faith in their country, in their government, when the thing they voted against is going ahead any way? How can they be expected to just go along with it? If they riot, the media and the government shall make it look as though they are the thugs, the criminals, it is their fault. But what got them into this position in the first place? Of course, the government. Yet those in suits shall still be able to drive around in their fancy cars, go home to their mansions, eat as much food as they want. They won’t give a second thought to those having to go without, who won’t be eating. They’re going to ruin people’s lives, and there’s nothing they can do about it.

A point that seems to be going a miss, however, is the fact that Greece actually wiped off most of Germany’s debts to them in the 1950’s. Today, however, people seem to have forgotten about that. Instead, they shall sit there and claim that Greece got themselves into the situation, they need to get themselves out of it, it’s not our fault. Yes, because it is all the Greek citizens who have done this to themselves. The government? Of course it couldn’t have been them! Not as if they make the decisions or anything, regardless of what the public cries for.

The sad thing is that this isn’t the only country that has had to go through this, and most likely won’t be the last. It’s terrible that we don’t get represented sufficiently by our governments. We are represented by people who have never lived in our society. They’ve never had to go without. How can they possibly put themselves into the shoes of the many worse off people in their country?

What do you think about this crisis? What do you think can be done?

A Change In Title

So I’ve decided to change the title of my blog. I’m no longer going to be ‘well this is my messed up mind’ because I don’t feel like it suits me any more; I don’t want to automatically come across as a negative blog, I want to try to be positive, I want to fill others with positivity. Of course, there shall probably be the odd negative post about how I’m feeling, but that’s normal for me because I have a mental illness, and I shouldn’t be ashamed to admit that any more, nobody should.

So I got the title ‘Living Between the Gaps’ from a book I have to read for my Literature A-level named The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood. It was just any ordinary sentence, but alike many random sentences, this one just seemed to get stuck in my head. It just resonated with me, and so the decision came into my mind that it had to be the new title for my blog; if I am going to accept my mental illness and try to live the best life I can I need to stop filling not only myself with negativity, but also my social media, including this blog.

Feeling like a story

Sometimes, my thoughts come out as a narration; “and I slowly take a sip of water” etc etc.
It doesn’t particularly have to be anything interesting, as you can tell from above. I could be doing a simple task like brushing my teeth and suddenly my life becomes a story.

I’m not entirely sure if this is normal.  Of course, I’ve never experienced anything different, because I’ve always been like this; I’ve always had the odd narration in my head, overcomplicating simple tasks like walking down the stairs, making it dramatic.

I think the positive thing about this narration in my head though, is that it is rarely negative. Usually if my mind wanders off (which is very often), the vision shall be horrific, depressing, you name it, but with this narration it seems to be more positive. Positivity is a rare thing for me, so I guess it should be great to feel something different for a change.

In other news, I’m feeling kind of okay at the moment. Therapy is going well, I’m not at school, I guess I kind of get to be in my own world a little bit more. In a bit more of a comfortable state of mind, I guess.
So I guess I’m doing okay.

I shouldn’t be allowed thoughts at night

So I’ve been sat here texting a friend about a party she went to last night and all of a sudden I got really sad.
It made me question myself. When was the last time I went to a party? When was the last time I got a bit drunk and had a genuinely amazing night? When was the last time I had someone to be with?

The answer is at least 7 months.

I know what you’re thinking; “You’re sixteen, why are you even thinking stuff like this, why do you want stuff like this? You should be focusing on other things and having fun!”
And when I ask people what the point of life is, nine times out of ten they will tell me it is to enjoy myself and be happy, but what if I’m not enjoying myself, what if I’m not happy?

What if that stuff made me enjoy myself? Because the last party I went to made me feel so free, so on top of the world. The last guy I was in a relationship with had a laugh that made the entire room laugh too, a smile so wide it took over his face, and he looked at me with that twinkle in his eye.
Now that’s gone.

I know I don’t need a guy to be happy, I should be the only person I truly need, but I can’t help thinking like this right now.

So if the point of life is to be happy, to enjoy myself, why am I living now? Because I’m not enjoying feeling this low, and I’m not happy.

Since I’m Here…

Since I’m here I thought I’d also do a brief update of what’s been happening in my life.

I’d finished school, and wasn’t too keen on staying home all the time due to family issues, so I was offered the chance to volunteer at my school to help some of the other children that have special needs. At first, I wasn’t sure whether to accept this offer or not, but I’m so glad I did. As someone who has always found it easy to accept those different to myself, I knew it wouldn’t be difficult for me to be able to help them and show empathy, but I didn’t realise how beneficial it could also be to me.

I suffer with a variety of anxiety disorders such as OCD, and a common piece of advice given by therapists is ‘distract yourself’. At first, I personally felt that it would never work, and never gave it the chance, but since being rushed off my feet with all of these children I haven’t had much time to think about the things going on at home, or the thoughts in the darker corners of my mind.

I just don’t know what I’ll do when everyone goes on their summer holidays. What will I have to distract myself? What if something bad happens at home? What if I get too bad and can’t take it any more?

So I’ve Been Thinking….

I haven’t really been thinking too long about this to be honest; probably a mere five minutes. What if I used this blog for a variety of other issues? You’ve seen the social media’s reaction to events such as the Yulin Festival, and you’ve seen petitions created on websites such as change.org and avaaz.org

What if I commented on them and gave more information about what they’re actually talking about? Would that be interesting for anyone? I feel that I have lots of view points and opinions on a wide range of different topics and really believe that I need to share them, whether to argue my case or to show others that they’re not alone with their opinions.

Feedback would be appreciated, but I might just do it anyway 🙂